Hashing With the Models-
Or.... "How to Auto Hare and still look innocent"
What a beautiful day it was this past Saturday. Sunny, 70-something degrees outside, tons of visitors and virgins and over thirty hashers ready to take off into the wild blue yonder. Yes indeed folks, it was a fine day........ For a car ride.
What we have here is a failure to hare. Look, I know you all were virgin hares, I know you all were worried you would screw up and not do it correctly (you got that part right), I know you wondered what everyone might say about the trail, I know you were worried you would get caught, Hell- I even know you were worried about your hair getting messed up (well, maybe not Baaaad Dad), but come on folks; Auto-Haring?! That's like having Spring Break without the booze, Jerry Springer without trailer trash, Michael Jackson without kids, Sex without the orgasm (ok,unless you're CumRag- then its probable).
We did have a great turn out at Kooter Brown's West. 33 Hashers showed up for what turned out to be a pretty decent hash around the block. Clumsy called out the hares to the center of the circle and introduced Baaaad Dad, M.I.L.F Bistro and June Fucking Beaver to everyone and explained that this was their very first time haring. Once we blessed them away they ran (at least around the corner to their waiting chariot). A brief announcement then chalk talk led by CumRag was soon followed by a great warm-up conducted by Fire-In-The-Hole. For all those Virgins "Father Abraham" will never hold the same meaning again. After a quick fifteen minutes we were off. It was, in Fire's words "what we old timers call a Puppy Trail- Long, straight and not much Shaggy".
Speaking of Shiggy-Shaggy, was there any? Some of us took a detour through the apartment complex to find our own shaggy (and some bow saws) before circling back around to get back on trail. Of course, as if the bow saws weren't enough, someone had to show their athletic abilities as to why they will never be asked to join the U.S. Olympic Hurdling Team. While CumRags' attempt was valiant the only thing he lacked in his attempt to jump the fence was that he actually tried to do it. In the end he ended up all right; the fence on the other hand needs some T.L.C. If anyone has skills as a carpenter I know an apartment complex that is in need of your abilities.
Once we got back on trail, and over the self-made shaggy experience, we quickly made a mad dash- and a veeeeery long one at that- towards the beer check. While many onlookers where wondering what the hell was happening some never blinked an eye and just moved on. After an easy to find right, left, run, walk and then a quick DIP we came to the beer check, only to find that CumRag had discontinued his Olympic hurdling feats to take up "Duck Chasing"- fortunately for the ducks no bow saws were used in his endeavor. We enjoyed some pleasant conversations, got to know some newbie’s and talked about the old times- (I.M.E. of course was able to talk about the "Really" old times). Didn't take long and we were off again, following that long ass straight trail carefully laid by those front running hares-whatever!
A turn to the left and away we flew- and it was at this point that the resident dumb-ass known as Clumsy screwed up again. Flagging Just Robbie down- who recently joined us in his chariot- Clumsy had him pop his shoulder back down and waited for the initial pain to subside before returning to the trail and bitching to himself about how damn painful it was. One of the things I found out about running by myself is that there is a lot of time to be left with your thoughts. PLEASE, if anyone sees this happening stop and help. I'm not very good when left alone with my own thoughts.
Up around the bend was a nice group having a party. They had been there for some time and were able to witness the entire event. Oh how so lucky they were- and more so on our part, explanation later. Just a short distance up ahead laid the end of a fairly nice urban trail. Actually a nice one for those virgin newbie’s who might have been wondering if this was right for them. A good way to introduce them to the whole "Hashing" experience. We hope they enjoyed themselves and hope they return for many more experiences with SurvivorH3 as well as other area hashing organizations. Welcome to the fold new boots.
Once we all got back our GM (Dirty Dipstick) called for the circle and brought out the hares. This was their first time ever haring so I guess a little slack is due--- Naw, to hell with that. There were complaints about no shiggy, too long and straight was the trail, not enough intersections, no which-ways or other course alterations (unless you were a virgin altering the course). And of course they were rightly accused of "Auto-Haring". Oh the travesty of it all. We made them pay with a down-down, then another down-down, and then we let them do a down-down followed closely by a down-down. After watching the models trying to look so innocent of it all we decided to give them a break-at least a while- and called out backsliders, there were many, followed by the regular assortment of "Tech on trail" and all the others. We did have a virgin who, during introductions, say "I want a cool name" instead of the correct "Just whatever the hell my nerd name is". He, wouldn't you know it, was also accused of altering the trail, wearing cranial gear in circle, and almost every other infraction possible- Never has someone accomplished so much with so little. I don't know if he was asking to be picked out of the crowd but it was easily done. As is a growing tradition this one was the recipient of the 24 ounce down-down and good a good job of doing it correctly (even placing it upside down on the cranium). We had more accusations and tails from the trail and said announcements, talked about the upcumming trip to Mobile on April 12th, Free Pony and Cookies April 19th Gulf Breeze Hash and of course talked about Red Dress May 9th & 10th (if you are looking for an in-expensive all weekend guaranteed good time you have to register for this one). Fire led us all in Swing Low (once again, virgins will not go to church and sing this song the same way). We called end of circle.
Only to re-open circle some time later for a great "Tail from the Trail" spun by our very own R.A.- CumRag. His rendition of happenings on trail and conversations overheard was wrought with humorous side notes and brought the circle to hairpin silence once the meat of the story was approached. These tales brought with it a succession of happenings rare to Hashing- "Virgin Namings". While tradition has in the past dictated a minimum of six hashes before one can get named Survivor has held to the belief that namings should cum naturally. Whether it be your first or fiftieth a name should be earned-never given. Well, with the aid of CumRags’ exquisite weaving of stories he pulled out his first naming by calling “Just Laurie” to the circle and donning her forever more to be known as "Buffy Makes Me Cum" while shortly thereafter pulling “Just Mark” out and donning him forever to be known as "Mamma's Bitch". While those were absolutely clever, well earned hashing names and the stories that went with them fitting we had one more to pull out of our sleeves. Calling “Just-Whatever the hell my nerd name is” out to the middle of the circle, a place he had by this time grown very accustomed to seeing, CumRag anointed him to be known, from this day and forever more, as "I Won A Cool Name". You asked for it, you got it my brutha'.
Goes to show that just because you think it's over it's not always over. What a way to end circle. We had Three namings, 7 cases of beer, some "other" beverages and I’m quite sure there was "miscellaneous" enjoyment as well. Went into Kooter Browns, enjoyed some beverages and social conversation and after correcting Roger on his way-ward political beliefs ;) left for the Survivor Hash Pad, which Dirty and M.I.L.F. call home for some reason. Some more beverages, pizza, pool, window climbing and bed breaking and we called it a night. We hope everyone had a great time and look forward to seeing you again. Feel free to contact anyone in mis-management if you have any questions at all. Remember, there's no such thing as a dumb question, just dumb people who ask them
Don't forget Red Dress on May 9th & 10th. If you haven't registered do so by visiting the "Red Dress" link on the front page. Payment can cum later- registration needs to be done now though to assure a spot.
UP-CUMMING: Below are hashes we would like to invite you all to join us in
WHAT:Virgin Hare Primer
WHEN: Saturday April 5th 4:30pm.
HARES: CumRag, Just Jill and just Chad
Where: TBD
Cost: $6 As always, Virgins are free!
Cum one, cum all.... The virgins are taking over the hash. That's right- it's virgin hare time. If you are a virgin hare (or simply new to hashing or an un-named hasher) then this is THE Hash you don't want to miss. Our R.A. extraordinaire will guide you on a beer filled quest to become a proud member of the inter-workings of hashing. Who knows, maybe your haring skills will win you a cool name too (auto-hare not accepted).
Email CumRag at RA@survivorh3.com if you are interested in learning how to hare. If all you want to do is walk-or run- the trail and consume copius amounts of nectar that is fine as well, we'll never turn away a thirsty patron. Cum on out and enjoy a good hash and you too just might learn what the hell you're doing (which will actually put you in elite company 'cause I can tell you we sure as hell haven't got a clue....
WHAT: Tax Time Hash in Mobile
WHEN: Saturday April 12th 3:00pm.
HARES: Long Neck Schnapps Sucker & Big Woody BushHog
Where: Malbia Exit- Lowe's Home Improvement Parking Lot,Daphne. Northwest Intersection of US Highway 90 Alabama Highway 181- About 1 Mile South of the Malbis Exit on I-10.
Cost: $6 As always, Virgins are free!
Mobile-Gulf Coast Hash House Harriers.... The Florida Gulf Coast, Represented by the Greater Gulf Coast Hashing Alliance, is invading our neighbors to the West and you are invited. Join SurvivorH3, ECH3, Siete Cerveza and more as we make a road trip across the pond. We will be partying afterwards and making every attempt at showing Mobile that even if they can put big planes together we can easily make them wonder "where will they find qualified workers with these kinds or citizens around". Not having transportation over there is not a viable excuse, if you need a ride email RA@survivorh3.com or any of the hashers and we will make sure there is room for all. We want to rally make every attempt possible to gather a large contingency of locals and show Mobile we know how to party.Detailed info can be found on www.gch3.org
WHAT: Gulf Breeze Hash
WHEN: Saturday April 19th 4:00pm.
HARES: Free Pony Rides & Juicy Cookie (you can just call her "Juicy", She loves that)
Where: In Gulf Breeze- hece the name.
Cost: $6 Stay posted for Theme Announcement
Make sure you mark your calendars for the hash through Gulf Breeze. The property values in this beautiful and prestigous area will take a nose dive when the Hasher cum marking through.... Note to Real Eastate Agents- may not be a good idea for a "showing" to occur during this time....
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GDR in Destin
and other tales....
Although not a Survivor Hash we have to give props here to ECH3 for putting on a wild ride through the iner workings of Destin. Much impressed I was on the beer quantities and the food that was catered in was unbelievable. Way to go Pic and company- I only met her once but I know Dawgma would be proud. I would go on and on about what happened, how it happened or who it happened to but visit www.ech3.com for all the pictures and details. Surfice it to say "It was baringly good".
HASHSPACE.COM
For me this was one of those "duh, why didn't i think of that" moments. There a new space in town called www.hashspace.com and it's garnering support rather quickly. If you haven't signed up for it yet I urge you to do so-Don't be a Wanker, all your other hashing buddies are doing it. It's by invite only so let us know and we will hook you up. As I write this it's only a little over two weeks old but already has users in 99 countries and growing. Here's a brief synopsis of what they say on their site.
"This is a community for hashers by hashers. This community is by invite only so please only invite those that you know are hashers to join the community. Click on the "Invite More" link under your name to the right to invite your friends. Each invitation is unique and only valid for one user so please do not post to a listserv or message board as only one person will be able to use that invitation and the rest will receive an error message.
Things you can do:
- Upload personal photos and videos
- Leave personal messages for other hashers on their page
- Have discussions in the forum
- Create groups for your hash kennel or event
- Start a blog! "
So ther eyou have it, sign up and make sure you join the survivorh3 group. Can't wait to see you there.
p.s., invite me as a friend and i'll accept. Hell, i'm a lonely guy, i'll accept anyone....
ON~ON
Clumsy
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Hashing For Moremen
~Co-Hash with ECH3~
Our last hash was held Saturday March 1st, it was the Co-Hash with ECH3 to celebrate Mormen's Return--- and I’ll be damn if I remember a single part of it. But I did wake up with a broke toe………..
There we were, all ready to get a good hash on. Many of us spend our weeks looking forward to the fun and camaraderie we get at these gatherings, and- like Cum Rag said in an e-mail a scant couple days before the hash- "Preparation is the Key"... Yeah, apparently better written then done. Let's take a quick glance around the hash day before actually going into details. As we all know there are a few key elements to a successful hash, let's take a look...
Hash Start Point: It is always a good idea to not only scout out the route but to make a good start point where everyone can gather and enjoy themselves before hares away. We all got the map to the start point and Cum Rag did a wonderful job in scouting it out to assure the start was a good place (oh wait, that didn't happen- no biggie, we all banded together to take care of that). Hares away 30 minutes late but at least we got them away.
Beer Check: Any good hash has at least one-and more if you can- beer checks. It's also a good idea to assure that your FRB's are good enough to properly mark trail to make sure the pack follows the correct route and doesn't miss the beer check (note to future FRB's, Clumsy DOES NOT like missing a beer check). This gets a bad mark as well, although I did hear that the rest of the pack enjoyed copious amounts of nectar at the actual beer check.
On~In: Of course no proper hash would ever be caught with an ending where you couldn't gather and circle up. Yeah, the conversation with Mr. Officer went something like this:
Officer: "What are you all doing here?"
Dirty: "We are part of an international running club.....yadda, yadda, yadda"
Officer: deer in the headlights look-I think he was trying to figure out if we were serious or trying to find somewhere to cook our seccret Meth
Clumsy: Shows officer hash bible (oh yeah, that ALWAYS works) to assure we are legitimate organization, says to policeman "We are part of an organization began by Marines pre-WWII. We have to orientate ourselves on a run through different terrain in order to meet at a final destination"... shows officer book again... "My name is Ron Scott, from Pensacola, Officer...." pause to allow officer to introduce himself
Officer: "It's not officer, it's Sherriff...." he commences to tell his name which I don't really care about- I think it was Barney Fife or some dumb ass shit like that.
After a few minutes of conversation (basically consisting of the Sheriff explaining the fact about Gulf Power's construction site, copper being present, the neighborhood calling 911 on us and his undying devoting to donuts and generally being a backwoods moron with more visions of grandeur than actual intelligence and him telling us we had to "skedaddle"-yeah, I’m sure that's a real word somewhere Barney- Real defenders of freedom everyone are cringing every time you put on that badge and open your mouth)
Conversation continued something like this (yeah, I’m abridging it)...
Dirty: "You think you can give us 15 minutes to wrap things up here?"
Sheriff Bumbles: "I think it best if you just move on now, anyone here been drinking?"
Clumsy: "Yep, most of us have, I'll make sure to police everything so it's cleaned up. Thank you"
Sherlock Holmes: "I think that's a good idea, you have about 3 minutes"
Clumsy: At this point irritated because Barney apparently hasn’t had sex with anything other than a sheep since childhood and his testosterone is making him feel like He-Man. Clumsy also wonders about the possibilities of throwing deputy dog a free pony ride so he can get off our asses. Considers this an outrage to free ponies everywhere.
And we then commenced to get the hell out of dodge- by following the vehicle with the flashing lights ;)
So, miraculously we ended up back at the same place we started, you know, that place we right up the road from the original starting place. And then we had to find someplace to go. Hell, I didn't even put the part where we had to reverse trail to find the DFL's because of the bad trail marks or the other fun stuff because let's face it, once you've met Barney Fife how in the hell can it possibly get any better (or worse)?
Eventually someone hooked us up with a house to gather. His name was- hell, I don't remember- he drank with the best of us though. And I do recall one very funny coincidence, this house we gathered was right up the street from the very same place Barney just ran us out of- boy, if he could see us now. I do remember his neighbors (who never did show up) were familiar with hashers, we started the circle finally. We announced some milestones (correctly or incorrectly- at this point did it matter). Then moved on to some other shit, all the while partaking in some glorious Holy Water, now I’m not one to prefer one beverage over another since-let's face it- alcohol is pretty much alcohol. But damn, Holy's Water was sweeeet. It was basically at this point that I lost all consciousness and any coherent form of understanding anything at all. But I do remember one thing. We ran out of nectar and it took almost an entire hour to re-supply. Ok; bad start point, I can understand. Bad beer check, i can understand. Bad ending I can understand. But running out of beer?!!!!!!! This will not happen again, even if I have to put a hidden case in my trunk. So, the circle died, people groaned and shit went down hill. But, there was some damn good grub supplied by Pic so that eased things over. Then the beer arrived- and all was saved. So the circle continued (I guess, like I remember at this point). At some point something happened, the circle ended and I guess we parted ways. Not sure exactly what the time line was but I do know that I woke up with a broke middle toe and it is still broke and black and blue. When i awoke I asked June "What the hell happened to my toe?” she looked at me in that you are such a dumb ass sort of way and said "what do you think, what's your name?"
ON~ON
Clumsy
See ya at Green Dress on March 15th. www.ech3.com
Don't forget to register for Red Dress.
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President Nixon Returns to Lay Trail
but ends up limp and cold
Saturday February 16th not only saw the observance of Presidents day by Survivor H3 but also brought with it the return of one of our founders, Tickly My Twinky. We all gathered to me the mystery man at Seville Squre downtown and was instead greeted by none other than former President Richard Nixon. After a brief- and we mean very brief- chalk talk (or should we say... flour talk) we blessed the Hare and away he flew. While many stood around waiting for their sign to let the chase begin most of us just waited for that dumbass throwing the flour to get stopped by our men in blue. circle introductions brought many backsliders to the fron while Bytes Himslef brought in two virgins- Just Richard, and Just Connie- both virgins turned out to be Bytes parents (proving to everyone that he is not the product of a freak mating between HAL 9000 and Rosie the Robot- note, you youngsters may not get that, it's a computer nerd thing). The Hash started out innocent enough by following the marks laid by the old pro himself and taking a straightforward circle around the block before cumming to our first beer check at Memorial Park. After some Nectar-and Bytes Parent enjoying some Jager- we jotted off again for a very quit meeting with some more Nectar at McGuires. *Note to myself, really enjoy lots of beer stops and less distance-be sure to mention this in the future. By this time we had successfully gone less than 2 miles while enjoying two beer stops, Now that's the way to my liver. A decent lapse of time saw us heading to what at first appeared to be a stop into Sammy's only to be tricked by trail and ended up at an intersection. While sniffing around like a blod hound with his nose cut off we were finally able to pick up trail only to loose it again while a passing train the distance of 100+ plus cars stopped us cold in our tracks. Not to be outsmarted the group was alert enough to spot hash on the other side of the moving train and began to run parallel down the opposite side until eventually picking up trail again. After a quick check back (and re-check back) we-----surprise, surprise, came upon another beer check. Oh sweet mother's nectar of love. What a glorious time. We pounded a feg kegs- and sang a few pounding songs- and gave the hare his full alloted 5 minute jump start (well, actually, we gave him a jump start then took off after him. Attempting to Snag the Hare only a few hundred yards from the finish Seamen did slow him down enough for a successfull Hare Snag by Mormen. Tickle gave up his pants and the hash gave up it's ice. What a great feeling that had to of been. FRB's were Seamen and Mormen with Bytes and family DFL's. While Tickle great a smaller Twinky sitting on the ice Accusations arose as to Mortal Name calling (yes, MILF anf June were at it again- keeping their streak alive by successfully using mortal names in every hash they have ever participated in). We had technology on trail, urinating on house (that homeless man will never be the same), Chariot riders, cranial gear, and our Virgins did a great job with their Down~Downs. We ended the circle with announcements about the 2008 Pensacola Red Dress Run, ECH3's Green Dress on March 15th and even allowed Tickle to get off the ice and put his pants back on. On~After was at the new pizza joint, Hopjacks-"Home of the very limited beer pitcher and fabulous 2hr Greek Pizza" but soon ended up at Dity's Hash Pad to end the evening in the hot tub.
Notes from the Super Bowl/Mardi Bras Hashtacular 2/3/2008
Hared by Dirty Dipstick and Swab d Bone
The Super Bowl/Mardi Bras Hashtacular was a great success. Over 30 people in attendance for a great hash, great food, good beer and wonderful camaraderie. Hares were away around 2:15 with the rest of the pack soon to follow. The attendance has some regulars, visitors, virgins and at least three canines so this was a good start. After promises of flat, clean, dry and quick hash we soon realized this was not to be the case. Thanks to the dogs we were mostly able to keep to trail but within minutes we were up to our necks in swamp water (yes-really!). The trail was roughly 4 miles or so with more than it's share of water hazards. The shiggy was truly shiggy and the beer check truck not only was in the wrong place but it ran out of beer (oh yeah, they paid for that). After making it back to the on-in after around 2 hours or so of hashing we circled up and started having some fun. Backsliders were brought out first, and they're were a few. Next up FRB's and DFL's- same crew. After some miscellaneous calls we picked on the Aussies- Just Nate and Just Sally for a few Large Down~Downs and continued to pick on the for a while. All in all I think it was a good time but the fun didn't stop there. Dirty and Clumsy brought in a Cajun ringer to cook up some crawfish, shrimp and grub to die for. We all partied- and went through 1 1/2 kegs of beer I might add- until the wee hours watching the game and relaxing in the hot tub. Not sure if the party ever ended but it was one hell of a good time.
Don't forget to spread the word about the 2008 Pensacola Red Dress Run May 9th & 10th
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Notes from the UWF Hash on 1/26/2008
Hared by Swab d Bone
It was cold and raining. There were 17 hashers that showed up including a few virgins and a few visitors from Biloxi(Stupid Man, et.al). Special thanks to our Biloxi bretheren and we will definitely make plans to return the visit. For those interested their website is www.biloxih3.com The trail was very shiggy and most of us ended up bloody. We also ended up getting lost on trail and going in circles……maybe because of the large amounts of alcohol drank prior to the hash or dare I say a confusing trail……. Anyway the circle followed. All of us went to McGuire’s and scared some of the “proper” folks in there with our hash gear, debauchery and bloody legs. Then we all stumbled back to Dirty & M.I.L.F.'s Hash House for more imbibery and debauchery. Short, sweet and to the point.
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Scribe Notes from the Outback Elimination Challenge...12/29/07
Damn those Aussies from Down-
Swab, spit-
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Christmas HashMas 2007
Another great hash was had by all the caroling half-
tell by the poem it was a great time.
We also had Hash Erections!!!
GM -
Vice GM -
RA -
Co
RA -
Hash Cash -
On Sec -
Song Meisters
-
Beer Meister -
Haberdashery
-
Web Meister -
There may have been
some that I missed so please email me if you were there and remember, please,
Thanks.
On~On
swab
Written by: Clumsy Stair Fucker
Twas' the night of the Hashmas, and the rain stopped it's pour.
The Survivor Clan stumbled, the Hares forced to change their tour.
The runners were out of key, singing their songs
and Bad Dad was in the bushes, flogging his dong.
The run full of shiggy, MILF & June bitchin' about trail,
Dirty had just settled down for a fine pint of ale.
When out in the circle, arose such a clatter
Swab sprang off Beer Bitch to see what the fuck was the matter.
Away to the center, Clumsy made a mad dash,
Did a quick Down-
But what to our bloodshot eyes did appear,
A group of horny bastards, Quick!-
They were all led by a tall guy pounding his dick,
I knew right away it was that bastard, I.M.E.-
Slower than snails this Survivor group did run,
and the DFL kept calling out "Hold on, here I Cum".
No Prancing, No Prancing did FRB Cum Rag call,
Hurry your asses up or we'll cut off your balls.
At the On-
Too much to drink those ugly bastards did partake.
The G.M. staggered and stomped and went to the door,
tripped on his pecker, and fell to the floor.
I heard him exclaim, as he strolled out of sight:
Piss on you all, this is one hell of a night!
Down~Down
Around the Hash...
as witnessed through one Scribes bloodshot eyeballs
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